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Why do people do it in the first place?

"When I was a young boy, the bully called me names, stole my bicycle, forced me off the playground. He made fun of me in front of other kids, forced me to turn over my lunch money, threatened to give me a black eye if I told. At different times, I was subject to a wide range of degradation and abuse. The bully spat in my face, forced me to eat the playground dirt. To this day, his handprints, like a slap on the face, remain stark and defined on my soul."

"I feel it is my fault I get bullied. I get called a snob because of the way I talk so I try to change the way I speak. They find fault with everything I do. If I get an A in a test I get bullied. If I get a B in a test I get bullied. I can do nothing right. Failing a test is probably the answer. I can't win. Please help."

"In nearly every class, I sit by myself because nobody wants to sit next to me. One of my few friends hangs around with other people because she is frightened that if she is with me, she will get bullied. I'm sick to death and sometimes I feel like killing myself. I wish I was dead."

Typically, there is no single cause of bullying. It may have something to do with a young person's family, his/her history, school performance, things that have happened in the community and in some cases, it may be carried out by a person who has been victimized by bullying.

One thing is for sure: a bully is not born a bully. The experts are pretty clear on this one: kids bully because they see it, experience it, or are exposed to influences that make them need to bully and control their peers.

Not all, but many kids who bully might be impulsive, fly off the handle with no provocation, and have strong dominant personalities. Many are easily frustrated and have difficulty conforming to rules. Some of them view violence in a positive light. This is often the macho guy with the swagger and attitude.

We hear that a lot of bullies come from homes where there is not a lot of warmth and nurturing. Involvement on the part of parents might be inconsistent. The parents might be bullying adults who lash out both physically and verbally at their kids...(and then we wonder why some kids demonstrate such awful behaviour...they get it as a gift from their folks...some gift).

Who gets bullied?

Persistent bullying can lead to depression, low self esteem, reduced academic achievement, isolation, and reduced confidence. It is a major stressor.

Victims can often feel like 'failures' and feel ashamed of being bullied. This is often a major reason why victims find it so difficult to speak out. Victims of bullying may begin withdrawing from social circles and staying away from school. You may know that some young people resort to self-harm and some may even attempt suicide.

Some act inwardly and get depressed - some act outwardly and retaliate. Both can be fatal.

You don't have to be fat, skinny, weak or weird to be the victim of bullying. We have heard of strong adults, big guys, who find themselves the victims of bullies and their lives made intolerable as a result. We don't often talk about our problems as a victim of bullying and that is one of the major problems. You see, we tend to keep the hurt and pain to ourselves.

Bullies will go to incredible lengths to find something about a person that can be used as an excuse to pick on them such as wearing glasses, being tall, being short, having red hair, having black hair, wearing the 'wrong' clothes or liking or being good at one particular subject at school. It doesn't matter what it is, they will find something and then they will start their attack.

So if you find yourself being bullied, don't fall into the trap of thinking 'what am I doing wrong?' or 'am I really that different from the others?' Chances are you are doing nothing wrong.

If you think you might be a target of bullying, remember to avoid areas and activities where you know the bullies will be. In a non-threatening way, try asking the bully to repeat what they have just said. They will not expect this and may fail to repeat it or unwittingly tone down the content of the remark. You can always try humour and you can walk away.

If you don't show you are afraid of the bully, the bully will often move on to someone else. And when they do, we hope that you will not stand by and let it happen. Remember, no one deserves to be a victim of bullying. Your differences are just part of what make you special; everybody is different in some way. Thank goodness for that for the world would be a lousy place if we were all the same.

One of the biggest weapons working in the bully's favor is silence. Bullies go to great lengths to discourage their victims from telling someone about what is happening and that is why the bully remains in control. Telling someone about what is going on isn't tattling or telling tales. Telling should always be done with someone you trust and it should be done in confidence. When this happens, especially when it happens early, like right away, the power balance is reversed and action can be taken.

Bullies often have more than one victim and it may not always be clear who spoke out. When someone is bullied at school, other young people who may not be directly involved usually know what is going on. People who are content to stand by and watch bullying happen but choose to do nothing are known as bystanders. They are a big time part of the problem because they support bullying by providing the bullies with a ready-made audience.

Even though not involved, bystanders can help victims of bullying by speaking to them on their own and encouraging them to talk to an adult or alternatively offer to talk to an adult on their behalf.

Adam Yach, of the Beastie Boys, wrote:

Being on either side of a violent situation, whether you seem to have come out
with the upper hand or whether you don't seem to, it doesn't resolve anything.

It escalates the problem.
Hatred leads to hatred.
Violence leads to more violence.